12 “Even now,” declares the LORD,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
I fast and yet there is no weeping, there is no mourning, there is no emotional context on which to rest my faith. And oh yes I do desire to rend my heart before the Lord’s mercy. I desire to fall at his feet knowing the wretch that I am. I desire to know that all I can ask for in this world is His mercy.
Do not allow me to travel any further from your presence. Do not hold forth your hand and keep me at bay. I wander in circles like a dog not knowing where to lay down. I deign to command my own ship but have no compass.
Scold me, reprimand me, chide me as a parent to a wayward child, but in the end my Lord hold me, comfort me.