There are a couple of reasons why I’ve shared this journey with all of you these past 4 years.
The primary reason is I find it cathartic. Creating words to explain how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking, when I did not have the words to begin with has helped me better understand where I’m struggling and where I need help. Too help me understand where I’m weak and where I need my Saviors intervention to help me make it through another hour.
When I first started this journey in Aug. 2013 I read a number of books, countless blog articles and hundreds of forum posts written by men and women who were or already had died because of some terminal illness. What I wanted was to read how a Christian faces this and faces it well? What did they struggle with and how did they retain the strength and faith needed in order to persevere? I wasn’t looking for some theological treatise but I was looking for something written by a Christian with the same world views as myself. Someone who could help lead me through the wastelands because they already had or were going through them. I wanted honesty and transparency. I wanted that for myself and I wanted to share what I learned with others.
Two weeks ago I celebrated my birthday. I’ve been overwhelmed with number of you who reached out to me. Phone calls, emails, cards, letters, Facebook messages and I’m sure I’m missing some other ways I was contacted. I had so many cards I didn’t actually read all of them on my birthday. If the sheer number wasn’t humbling enough the things you all wrote left me in tears. Many of you shared with me how I had impacted your life over the years. Quite a few of you mentioned the writings in this blog and how what I’ve written has helped you in your own struggles.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it with my dying breath that’s not me you’re hearing/reading, for I know the old man I still struggle with on a daily basis. I’m still aware of the personal sins I harbor and the sins of omission I commit. So to read/hear you laud me with your memories is incredibly humbling because I know that’s not who I am.
But – it is who Christ is.
And – for Christ to be using this dried up, old wine skin for His work is all the more humbling.
Praise God for His ability to work around my ego and make use of me to the very end.
I started all of this (blog) looking out for me – thankfully the Big Man had other plans.
I finish this by leaving you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, with a charge. Don’t dismiss your own works as if they are of no benefit. You have no idea how what you’ve said or the action’s you’ve shown to another may impact their lives. Of course that can be a double edged sword (one I’ve been made painfully aware of at times) so take care how you brandish it. And always, always give the glory to God!
11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.