Why “Wind and Sails”? It’s a much more manageable title than what I really wanted to write, “I got the Wind knocked out of my Sails”. Yeah. “Wind and Sails” it is.
In my previous blog post I shared how what I thought was an incisional hernia was diagnosed by the ED doctor as an infection. I was prescribed Flagyl and Cipro to combat this. Unfortunately for me the side effects from these meds were leaving me a mess. I had an appointment on Wed. 1/3/18 with Dr. Nasrin Ansari, who was the surgeon who performed the resection of my small intestines. One of the things you need to understand about Dr. Ansari is her diminutive stature. She can’t be much more than 4′ 2″ but when she comes into a room she does it with all the command and bluster of a bull. Some people are put off by this but I’ve always found her quite refreshing as she’s completely no nonsense and if there is one place in my life where I want no nonsense it’s with my doctors. She came in and sat down next to me and asked me to explain everything I’d been experiencing. She then pulled open some stapled pages and showed me the summary report from the CT I had done while at the ED. I didn’t see anything about an infection and neither had she. What she pointed out and I picked up on was the comment about concern of additional nodules. She asked if I remembered what she’d told me after the surgery and I said yes that you’d gotten clean margins.
“Yes, but I also told you there were pockets that I couldn’t get to.”
Dang pain meds I didn’t remember that comment but it made sense.
We did an exam and she confirmed her hypothesis, the lump in my stomach was cancer. For all of her bluster the compassion in her eyes when she told me this nearly made me cry. She informed me there really wasn’t anything she could do at this time but if ever in the future I needed her for anything to not hesitate to call. As cliche as that sounds I knew she meant it. We both laughed that this wasn’t how either of us had wanted to run into the other again and parted ways.
On the walk back to the car it was really hard not to want to collapse in tears. I honestly thought what a spectacle that would look like while at the same time thinking if anyone deserved to fall apart…
I thought of my meeting with my ENT Dr. Shimoura the day before and how thrilled he had been to see me. How he kept commenting that just a few years ago a diagnosis of my type of cancer was the kiss of death. That it was amazing I was still around. I couldn’t help but agree. I’ve been extremely blessed to have made it 4 1/2 years and all of that fairly pain free. God has been very gracious. However I couldn’t help but think dark days are ahead when my bravado and faith are going to be held over the fire. It was with that low thought the refrain from ‘I Need Thee Every Hour’ came to mind.
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.
I think like the addict trying to stay sober just one more hour that is how I’ll be. But when it’s my Savior I’m calling upon for that one more hour of grace, even if it is bad, it will be good at the same time.
I’m writing this while waiting to hear from Dr. Pishvaian. Not sure what he’ll have to say. You can certainly pray he’s got some magic bullet in his arsenal.
In the mean time I’m at least feeling better today now that I’m off those horse choking antibiotic pills.
PS. Grand baby #1 is on his way in the next few weeks. Please pray for an easy and uncomplicated delivery for my daughter-in-law. Apparently from all the imaging that’s been done this kid is a bruiser. 🙂